Now that you’ve heard my story, I’m sure your curious to know how I overcame such a gut wrenching moment in my life to become a motivational speaker and college professor. Its actually a very valid question, and to be honest, I’m glad you asked! There was a point in my life when I didn’t know if I would ever get well. I wasn’t sure if the weight would ever come back. I was limited by my beliefs - the belief that I was always going to be 80lbs, and I would never get to my desired 120. I was giving people permission to occupy my head space with their opinions about my health or lack thereof. I hated looking in the mirror because I was literally watching my body wither away, and it seemed that there was nothing I could do to help myself, or at least that's what I thought. I was haunted by all the pictures of me when I was heavier, healthier and vibrant. I knew I had to do something and that something had to be fast! I was tired of people casting spells of damnation over my life - speaking their doom into my spirit. I was tired of the long unwelcomed stares by family and friends at my tiny little frame. I was tired of always explaining my situation to the 85% of people who didn't give a shit in the first place, and the other 15% who was just glad it wasn’t them. They would tell me how sick and skinny I looked and eventually, I heard it so much that it started to make an impression in my subconscious, and it was only a matter of time before I started to believe it. I knew the only way I could change their perception of me was by changing my own perception of myself and how I responded to me and them. I could no longer leave my fate in the hands of people who could not readily identify with what I was going through because they had never been through anything even remotely close. I couldn’t hold them accountable for my discontentment and that which they did not understand. I was determined not to let this affliction become my norm. My usual and accepted way of thinking about my issue had to completely change if I ever wanted to live a normal life again.
For a period of time I was becoming what I allowed my mind to be consumed with, and most of the time I was thinking about my unexplained illness. In the book of proverbs it states that “Whatever a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. I was accepting the lie that I was sick because that’s what I kept hearing, and it's all I could think about. I had to stop thinking I was sick and convince myself that I was well. I had to “Shift the Paradigm of my Thinking”.
A paradigm shift is a complete change of thinking from one way to another. I had to ultimately change my point-of-view on my situation. No longer could I stare into the mirror with discontent and sadness - no matter what the mirror told me. I had to take a step back in order to see and feel something different. I had to stop reminded myself of what people said I was and start thinking about where I wanted to be. My mind was at war with itself and I had to take back control it. You see... before I had all these digestive issues, I had no idea just how powerful the mind is and how my thoughts were ultimately creating my reality. What I was seeing manifest within myself was my own self-fulfilling prophesy, not what “they” prophesied. I didn’t understand that I was intentionally choosing to stay sick because of my incarcerating thoughts. I didn't understand that thoughts are seeds and I could choose to water those seeds with liberating thoughts or condemning thinking. It took me a while to see that it was me allowing people to pollute my mind with thoughts of illness. I didn’t have to accept that! Just as faith comes to fruition by hearing, so does sickness. I thought I could be well again and now I am.